is it a symptom of disease?

2009-10-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

vezenquando parece que é como se você precisasse morrer mesmo que vocÊ não queira. vezenquando é como se a sensação de que você poderia estar morto no minuto seguinte fosse a melhor coisa que pduesse sentir e o mais bizarro é que você quer desesperasdamente ficar vivo. tudo parece caótico e triste apesar de estar bem. e tudo está bem, não está? você nem sabe mais, mas sabe que precisa morrer. o estranho é que você nem ao menos é do tipo suicida. o estranho é que você quer muito ficar vivo. você só não sabe bem como.

ONLY RAPISTS CAN PREVENT RAPE

2009-09-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

-author unknown

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, re-post it. It's that important.

Note:
This goes for any gendered rape, male on female or female on male or female on female or FTM on MTF or non gendered to dual gendered and so on and so forth....

2009-08-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

“ When somebody says, “I don’t think women should be raped for wearing short skirts, but what do they expect when they do go out like that?” what you are actually saying is that if a woman in a short skirt is raped, you will be less likely to hold her rapist culpable. Which makes a woman in a short skirt really appealing to a rapist. That’s something that you did. That’s not something the woman in the short skirt did, or something the rapist did. You made that woman a more comfortable target by making it clear that if she got raped, you would be less upset about it, less willing to see the rapist go to jail, less willing to support the woman. A woman is not increasing her risk of being raped by wearing a short skirt. You are increasing her risk of being raped by saying that women who get raped in short skirts should have expected that. Rapists hear you say that. By only raping the women that bystanders agree should be raped, a rapist reduces his chance of being caught and, if caught, punished. And that is why he will pick those women, over and over again, not because there is something more appealingly rapeable about them — they have what any woman has, as far as rape goes — but because he will be less likely to be held culpable for his actions. ”
— From the follow-up post to A Few Things To Stop Doing When You Find a Feminist Blog.

2009-08-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

"Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry."

J.D. Salinger

and just to prove him right:

"I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive."

Augusten Burroughs

i do live in a box

2009-08-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

você está preso em uma grande caixa branca e branco é uma cor tão desesperadora e vocÊ não entende porque usam em hospitais para acalmar, todos dizem, mas não acalma só piora e piora de uma maneira devastadora. piora de uma maneira que dói. e faz parecer ainda mais vazio. vazio vazio vazio e igual e ai vem o desespero de saber que é semrpe assim e você não sabe como as pessoas consegue ter vidas comuns com suas tão bem planejadas rotinas porque você quer dormir por três dias diretos e passar semanas sem ver outro ser humano porque é tudo sempre tão igual e doloroso e branco e ninguém parece se importar. você raramente encontrar pessoas que sentem essa dor que percebem que sabem do vazio a caixa as paredes brancas. são tão poucas as pessoas que não olham cheias de dó e perguntam mas o que foi que te aconteceu, meu anjo, tudo está tão bem e está e está como sempre esteve e como sempre via estar porque é que você não enxerga?! está ali e sempre esteve e é enorme e vazio e igual e igual e sempre a mesma coisa não importa o quanto você tente mudar. você nunca consegue mudar. você nem sabe o que, ms tenta e tenta e tenta e é como se você estivesse arranhando as paredes da caixa e seus dedos começam a sangrar, mas não tem efeito algum exceto a dor que vem porque a dor é algo que chega a confortar. a dor que você sente faz com que você saiba que no meio daquele vazio branco desesperador está você e mesmo sendo tudo tão terrível você ainda sente. você passa a amar a dor a procura-la porque as mudanças não vieram e não virão e as pessoas seguem suas vidas e tudo continua como sempre foi e você ainda se desespera porque como é que tanta gente pode simplesmente não ver ou ignorar ignorar ignorar ignorar algo tão claro tão doloroso. e cada vez que pensa sobre isso você se desespera e são lágrimas e soluços e pensamentos suicidas e vontades de fugir ou de mudar tudo que você puder mudar. pintar o cabelo ou cortar até não ter cabelo para pintar ou nãoa tender telefonemas ou dirigir sem parar até estar dois estados do ponto de partida numa praia que você nunca ouviu falar e saber que tem que voltar para todo aquele vazio cercado de paredes brancas e é ai que você sofre um acidente ou outro e é ai que se quebra um braço ou se queima a barriga com cigarro ou acaba precisandod e três pontos na mão porque a faca escorregou enquanto descascava laranja. você precisa ter algo para se agarrar. você não pode se perder no vazio, você se recusa porque você sabe, lá no fundo no fundo mesmo voc~e sabe que quas eninguém mais liga porque são tipos diferentes de pessoas e que se você se afogar ninguém vai perceber e ninguém vai te trazer de volta. você precisa disso. você não quer desaparecer no vazio.

2009-08-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

wasitreallyabox.blogspot.com

Textos das Sun. Meus textos.
Uma tentativa de organizar a bagunça.

2009-08-25T19:45:00.001-07:00

“ Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could. ”

Louise Erdrich

don't even feel sorry about it

2009-08-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

você come todo o tempo quando está em casa porque não sabe o que fazer. as vezes você chora enquanto cutuca a comida com um talher porque não pensar em tudo isso ainda dói e comer só ajuda no começo (você não sabe o motivo, mas sabe que foi assim).
você sente como se tivesse perdido pedaços desde que saiu da cama, como se você tivesse morrido um pouco quando escovou os dentes ou quando colocou os tênis ou quase subiu no ônibus. você sente como se morresse aos pouquinhos e você acha que um dia você estará fazendo algo completamente normal e cairá morto e ninguém saberá explicar até que alguém diga não, vocês nunca vãoa char um motivo para essa morte porque ela começou há muito tempo atrás e foi acontecendo em pequenas doses tão casuais e tão insignificantes que foi uma grande surpresa no final.
você não é tão forte como pensou e sabe, não parece ter motivo para levantar de manhã mesmo que tudo esteja indo muito bem, obrigada por perguntar e, sim, você que a sua vida é boa e que uma porção de gente mataria para ter uma vida assim (ainda que não acredite nisso, vivem repetindo e meio que fica na cabeça). mesmo sendo uma escolha você não consegue encontrar o momento em que a fez, o que faz com que pareça meio injusto e nem um pouco como uma escolha o modo como tudo parece estar indo de mal a pior e como tudo dói e nada nada é seguro.
você não sabe a razão, mas domingos doem mais.
você sabe que soa mais dramático do que deveria e que qualquer um diria para tomar vergonha nessa cara e arrumar o que fazer, mas não é tão fácil e nunca foi e você não sabe como todas essas pessoas fazem de uma maneira que parece tão simples e quase instintiva. você tem certeza que aquele cara do livro estava certo e vocÊ sente como se tivesse perdido algo importante da lição e nunca fosse alcançar o resto da classe. você não sabe o que fazer com a sua vida e não existe um manual mesmo com todo mundo dizendo exatamente o que fazer e como fazer e como ser e como pensar e como se vestir e como se tornar igual igual igual e isso dói. porque mesmo sem saber do que você está atrás. você teme essa sensação que grita errado o tempo todo e você sabe que não quer apenas estar lá.
além de tudo tem essa urgência de colocar em palavras esse sentimento de vazio misturado com tristeza e alguma outra coisa que você duvida que alguém já tenha descoberto o que é. é terrível como se, caso não pudesse transformar o sentimento em adjetivos, verbos, substantivos e afins, talvez (talvez!) ele se tornasse maior, pior, mais forte e terrivelmente mais letal.
você sente o aperto no peito quase o tempo todo e, sim, obviamente isso é só uma reação química, mas não é como se pudesse controlar apenas porque você odeia a sensação de estar sufocando, sufocando e sufocando todo o tempo como como quando você está sozinho na piscina e você sabe que só pode ir até metade onde a parte mais funda começa porque você não sabe nadar. você ir apenas até o limite e ficar exatamente onde é o fim ou o começo por alguma razão não muito inteligente e você pensa é seguro, eu posso ficar aqui, é seguro. e você escorrega e não é mais seguro, sem conseguir encostar os pés no chão e afundando as vezes e tentando não afundar e sentindo o desespero crescer, sabendo que não é seguro e que talvez nunca tenha sido. e você olha em volta, sabendo que não tem ninguém, sabendo que gritar é inútil, que não tem quem chamar ou como chamar e você pensa "é isso." e é estúpido e feio e incompleto porque você nunca fez nada mesmo não sabendo o que deveria ter feito e o desespero cresce e você pensa que talvez seja isso que faça você afundar. é um desespero e um pavor e uma tristeza absurda e toda a incapacidade do mundo e isso faz você querer chorar como se não pudesse acontecer nada pior, mas você continua afundando e voltando e tentando escontar a ponta do pé no chão e só, por favor, deus, não me deixe morrer.você sabe, mas ainda é uma surpresa quando se pensa sobre mais tarde, que quando você consegue colocar os pés no chão outra vez o que você sente não é o alivio dos filmes e você não passa a ver a vida tão diferente do que via antes. você se sente estúpido e com medo e sabe que foi longe demais e se sente envergonhado porque mesmo sem estar tentando você fracassou e ai você se sente feliz por ninguém ter visto, mas triste porque isso prova, não é mesmo? prova que não havia ninguém e tudo dói dói dói.
você caminha até a borda, senta e chora. chora porque dói e é estúpido, você sabe, mas ainda assim chora aquele choro feio de soluços e caretas incoscientes e dor.

~*~

everything hurts and you don't know why.
everything hurts and you try to get drunk so you won't have to think about it.

~*~

everyone knows everything but you're unable to be a part of it or to have a little piece of this knowlegde.

~*~

you don't like going to sleep and you hate waking up.
yet, you hide in your bed all the time.

~*~

you just cannot stand people. you wish you could but evertyime you think about them you get angry 'cause people do all sort of stupid things and don't even feel sorry about it. you know everybody knows it too.
you don't know what's wrong with you.

2009-08-08T15:32:00.001-07:00

"If you're expected to publish your work, then do it. If it isn't good enough, make it good enough.

Look, every gang worth its colors has initiation rites. Why should somebody who isn't visible as part of the larger community be allowed into the gang?"

by Regina Barreca, Ph.D.

2009-08-08T00:08:00.000-07:00

If Winter Ends
Bright Eyes

I dreamt of a fever,
one that would cure me of this cold winter-set heart
with heat to melt the frozen tears and burnt with reasons as to carry on
into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow
(but I swear that I would follow anything)
just get me out of here.
And you get six months to adapt and you get two more to leave town
and in the event that you do adapt we still might not want you around.
I fell for the promise of a life with purpose
but I know that's impossible now
so I drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories
because I just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight.
I give myself three days to feel better or I swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff because if I can't make myself feel better then how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
I scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere just get me passed this dead and eternal snow because I swear that I'm dying.
Slowly, but it's happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there and say and lie to me and say it's gonne be alright.

2009-07-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

"lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way"

2009-07-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

ok. meus blogs tem a tendência de servirem para desabafo, então aqui vai.
é o meu fandom. e ele meio que morreu. e eu pensei que talvez ele fosse voltar, mas não. morto mesmo. os melhores autores estão abandonando, as bandas estãoa cabando ou quebrando e nossa. isso é realmente importante para mim. eu sei que não deveria, especialmente pro eu não ter nenhum controle sobre, mas é. me afeta mais do que uma porção de coisas que acontencem na minha rl. minha il é muitom importante. é onde eu faço amigos. é onde eu gasto um baita tempo. tudoe star acabando me deixa muito triste e me faz ver como isso importa para mim. não sei o que fazer sem isso.

2009-07-10T13:54:00.001-07:00

much better now

well...i'm not happy but i'm not sad (kind of)

2009-07-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

eles acabaram. e isso me deixa tremendamente triste. eu nunca vou poder ir a um show ou algo assim. por um lado, eu meio que compreendo, mas meu lado fangirl está meio que entrando em desespero. eu meio que quero ficar feliz por eles, mas...
sei lá

2009-06-25T09:38:00.002-07:00

or hide in bed forever

2009-06-25T09:38:00.001-07:00

maybe i should run away

2009-06-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

eu meio que me sinto triste. não sei. tem um monte de coisas acontecendo e um monte não acontecendo e eu realmente não sei. talvez eu tenha acabado de fazer a maior besteira da minha vida. minha família vai me matar mesmo que eu não tenho ferrado tanto quanto a mãe. eu deveria estar ajeitando uma porção de coisas, mas sei lá. não quero falar com ninguém. não quero fazer nada. não quero ver ninguém, não quero colocar nem um pé para fora do meu quarto, da miha cama. eu poderia fazer uma barraca e morar lá por alguns dias. eu perdi uma prova e nota por não ter ido na aula hoje, mas sair da cama parecia a pior idéia possível. e ter que lidar com todas aquelas pessoas. e eu realmente não ouvi o despertador tocar, mas quando eu acordei atrasada. não sei. eu fiquei aliviada de não ter que ir. minhas costelas doem e eu tenho vontade de chorar, mas não sei realmente explicar. talvez não sei seja mminha frase favorita agora, mas ela se aplica tão bem em tantas coisas. eu nem consigo pensar direito.

2009-06-18T22:14:00.001-07:00

i'm brave in a very stupid way

so...

2009-06-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

i'm kind of homeless right now

2009-06-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

2009-06-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

2009-05-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

2009-05-29T22:31:00.001-07:00

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?"
- Ernest Hemingway

2009-05-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

"sometimes the best thing we can do is just sit down and breathe for a minute. it doesn't help, and it doesn't change anything, but just in case you're thrown off the deep end - breathe."

from wearecities

2009-05-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

"The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the broken places."
- Ernest Hemingway

2009-05-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

from fueledbyphoto

2009-05-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

so true

from indexed

2009-05-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

2009-05-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

2009-05-15T17:39:00.001-07:00

"The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke & Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party.

Here's to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them.

Here's to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars.

Here's to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool.

Here's to the kids who listened to Fall Out boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV...and blame MTV for ruining their life.

Here's to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts.

Here's to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush.

Here's to the kids who hum "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me" when they're stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night.

Here's to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn't even know they existed.

Here's to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower & didn't feel so alone after doing so.

Here's to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s).

Here's to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don't care.

Here's to the kids who speak their mind.

Here's to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep.

Here's to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do.

Here's to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that.

Here's to the kids.

This one's not for the kids, who always get what they want. But for the ones who never had it at all.

It's not for the ones who never got caught, nut for the ones who always try and fall.

This one's for the kids who didnt make it, ee were the kids who never made it.

The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys.

Not for the kids who had all their joys.

This one's for the kids who never faked it. We're the kids who didn't make it.

They say "Breaking hearts is what we do best," And, "We'll make your heart be ripped of your chest"

The only heart that I broke was mine, when I got My Hopes up too too high.

We were the kids who didnt make it. We are the kids who never made it."

Here to the Kids - Peter Wentz

2009-05-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

from yourlittlebutterfly

2009-05-15T17:29:00.001-07:00

"I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive."

from Running With Scissors

A List of Beautiful Moments Numbers 1 to 100:

2009-05-15T17:21:00.001-07:00

1- Sometimes people surprise you.

2- Sometimes the sun shines with a glow that feels
strangely like love.

3- Sometimes people paint and draw with so much passion
that you have to close your eyes and take a deep breath
just to draw it all in.

4- Sometimes people sing.

5- Sometimes the trees blow just right in the wind, and
you can hear them singing.

6- Sometimes the air smells like bonfires and apples and
rain.

7- Sometimes the smell of flowers is all around you, but you
can’t figure out where it’s coming from.

8- Sometimes people care.

9- Sometimes a new day is an adventure that fills you with
excitement.

10- Sometimes waking up is like being born again.

11- Sometimes music or words are so beautiful they give you
tingles all over your body, and you sparkle.

12- Sometimes strangers smile at you as you walk by, and it
makes you feel warm inside, so you pass the smile on.

13- Sometimes in autumn when the air is just cold enough so
you can see your breath, you can take a walk outside and
everything is alive with sparks.

14- Sometimes there are fireworks.

15- Sometimes there’s fudge.

16- Sometimes the clouds move so slowly that you think time
is standing still.

17- Sometimes you have this moment where your house becomes
your home.

18- Sometimes your bed is the nicest place in the world.

19- Sometimes love is all around.

20- Sometimes your friends call you out of the blue to go for
coffee, and you have the best talk you’ve ever had.

21- Sometimes you talk on the phone all night, ‘cause you just
don’t want to stop.

22- Sometimes new people make you feel good about you.

23- Sometimes there are comics and hot chocolate.

24- Sometimes a movie makes you cry.

25- Sometimes pain is absolutely beautiful.

26- Sometimes the experience of being human is more than you can
take, and you feel like you’re going to burst with joy.

27- Sometimes people love each other so much that they can’t breathe,
and they can’t see.

28- Sometimes swimming feels like flying.

29- Sometimes the band is performing just for you.

30- Sometimes the sea smells like heaven.

31- Sometimes you close your eyes, and you realise something about
yourself that you never thought of before.

32- Sometimes things change.

33- Sometimes things stay the same.

34- Sometimes life is so big that you don’t think you can ever see
everything you want to.

35- Sometimes you love something you never thought you’d like.

36- Sometimes people show you something they love.

37- Sometimes magic is all around you, and you can feel it.

38- Sometimes winter is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

39- Sometimes someone walks into the room, and you just can’t take
your eyes off them.

40- Sometimes people are magic.

41- Sometimes there’s candy.

42- Sometimes you achieve things you never thought possible.

43- Sometimes something someone says is exactly what you need to
hear.

44- Sometimes someone writes something that seems to be about you.

45- Sometimes colours look brighter and more beautiful than they
ever have before.

46- Sometimes the world is new.

47- Sometimes you have to stop for a moment because everything
around you is just so overwhelming you can’t take it all in.

48- Sometimes things are hard, but everything’s going to be ok.

49- Sometimes you just need to go out and be crazy.

50- Sometimes you’re with someone, and you just can’t help but
touch each other.

51- Sometimes hugs can heal anything.

52- Sometimes a kiss is like a raging river.

53- Sometimes it’s like a soft tide.

54- Sometimes you see the stars.

55- Sometimes you learn a new word.

56- Sometimes the way someone talks is enough to win you over.

57- Sometimes another language can be like the most beautiful
music.

58- Sometimes there’s passion.

59- Sometimes you wake up at midnight with a million ideas buzzing
around your head.

60- Sometimes life is worth living.

61- Sometimes people hold the door for you.

62- Sometimes you hold the door for them.

63- Sometimes there’s chocolate.

64- Sometimes people love you so much that you can feel it, even if
they don’t say a word.

65- Sometimes rain is energizing.

66- Sometimes a movie is so good you can watch it over and over and
over and over…

67- Sometimes loneliness is sweet.

68- Sometimes you open your email and you have 10 new messages,
all from your old friends, who miss you.

69- Sometimes you miss someone, and they miss you too.

70- Sometimes you meet up with someone by chance who you haven’t
seen in years.

71- Sometimes you have to lose yourself completely to find what
you’re looking for.

72- Sometimes freedom is all you need.

73- Sometimes you win.

74- Sometimes the waitress/waiter is amazing.

75- Sometimes people are sweet.

76- Sometimes you get an unexpected compliment that leaves you
beaming all day.

77- Sometimes you’re on holiday.

78- Sometimes the restaurant is playing your favourite song.

79- Sometimes your stuffed animal is your best friend.

80- Sometimes you look over at someone, and you know you’re
both thinking the same thing.

81- Sometimes people are willing to share.

82- Sometimes there’s ice cream.

83- Sometimes people fly across the world to see you.

84- Sometimes there’s magic in the air.

85- Sometimes you have way more money than you thought.

86- Sometimes you look awesome.

87- Sometimes love is all you need. well….always.

88- Sometimes a thunderstorm is captivating.

89- Sometimes you know the right answer.

90- Sometimes people smile through their tears.

91- Sometimes people thank you, and you don’t even know why.

92- Sometimes everything goes your way.

93- Sometimes people are willing to compromise.

94- Sometimes it’s time to party! :’)

95- Sometimes you’re in love.

96- Sometimes reading the last line of a book is like saying goodbye.

97- Sometimes you can be romantic.

98- Sometimes you have wonderful dreams.

99- Sometimes it’s your birthday.

100- Sometimes you’re not scared anymore.

(o texto não é meu)

2009-05-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not.
I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.
I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.
I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.
I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.
I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.
I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.
I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.
I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too.
I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

Neil Gaiman - American Gods

2009-05-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

é tão estranho sentir tanta falta de alguém que você não deveria? de alguém que você sabe que nem existe mais porque as mudanças foram tantas tantas que você já nem consegue contar mais.

2009-05-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

tem que clicar para ver, mas enfim

from /ljsecret

2009-05-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

from crazybeautiful

'cause i don't do too well on my own

2009-05-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

"It feels like drowning. That’s how I’d explain it. Life. It feels like drowning in the most beautiful elegant ocean in existence. It’s like grasping at the water to get to the top, it’s like sinking by the beautiful fish and remarkable sea life. You’d ask me how it began. It began when I entered the water, just like learning to swim. It took me a little bit too long to figure out that there was no justice, no truth, no forgiveness. No one is going to jump in to save you, it’s all on you. No getting around it, no turning back. All I could see was the shadows that I left behind me, like footsteps in the sand. And all I could look forward to were the splinters of light where I imagined that hope broke through. My parents said, one day things will be different. They promised me someday I would understand. I’m beginning to lose faith in those promises, because the water just keeps getting deeper and darker, and it’s getting harder to see where I’m going. There’s always been those people, the people who love to tear you down. The sharks, vicious and intimidating. But I read somewhere, maybe in a magazine, that sharks are just as afraid as us as we are of them. So I guess that counts for something. Everyone is just as scared and oblivious as you are, you just can’t get lost in the tide, fight for your life. Through all the emotional hardships I’ve been through, I’d like to tell you I have it all figured out. But words are just words. And every lesson unlearned is a secret waiting to be hushed and told. So no, I don’t have a tragic tale of abuse and harm. Just a battle of thoughts and being scared. Now I feel like I’m running into disaster left and right, and I was dropped into an oblivion where I was doomed to failure and the crash of the waves drowns out the hope . As I’m growing up, all I feel is mislead. Like my lungs are collapsing and I’m still trying to have my voice heard. Nothing is ever enough, but we work at it and we try. So I’ll hide away my memories in a box, keeping them away from the corrupted mess of a world. And I’ll pretend I’m still strong until I can get to the surface and gasp for air."

by fauximpact.tumblr.com

nothing left to lose

2009-05-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

quero comprar roupas novas.
quero me vestir diferente.
não quero ser uma daquelas meninas em série.
eu quero comprar roupas novas.
roupas que eu considero bonitas.
roupas estranhas, roupas velhas, roupas que eu goste.
não quero sair de casa nunca mais.
não quero sair mais do meu quarto, mas meu guarda-roupa me odeia.
eu acho que

(why do I feel this party's over?)

2009-05-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

still can't sleep
can't stop thinking
can't stop getting nervous about nothing and everything
can't stop asking me "what the hell i should be doing with my life?"

and isn't this exactly where i am?

2009-05-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

"But I’d like to point out that you have to earn everything, that if you slack off for one second to stop and gasp for breath, everything you have will slip away without a doubt.

And I find myself losing who I am and what I wanted to be, I find myself losing all my warning signs and fear of the future, I find myself losing my motivation and aspirations, I find myself losing the people I love most.

And I have nothing to blame it on. I can’t blame it on being sick, on weed, on a fucked up family, on heartbreak, or on any disfuction you can think of.

All I can blame it on is myself and my unwillingness to conform to what life is.

Wake up, follow directions, go to sleep.

Wake up, follow directions, go to sleep.

Wake up, follow directions, go to sleep."

by drivemysoul

2009-05-13T22:54:00.001-07:00

"When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend:
I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
(with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection)"

"And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same.
(we might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain)"

"And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this.
The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did.
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live"

Lua - Bright Eyes

2009-05-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

"Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take it
a day at a time"

Nails for Breakfest, Tacks for Snacks - Panic at the Disco

i can't believe it

2009-05-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

meu guarda-roupa me odeia. eu realmente fico triste quando olho apra ele. não quero que ele fique lá. me faz sentir mal. não consigo dormir no meu quarto.

mess

2009-05-10T18:07:00.001-07:00

eu gosto de enviar cartas. eu gosto de comprar envelopes. eu gosto de fazer cada carta especial para aquela pessoa. eu gosto de colar selos em envelopes. eu gosto de raspar com a chave na embalagem do remédio e ver o selo aparecer. eu gosto de caixas. eu gosto de coisas simples e complicadas. eu gosto de coisas que são tão bonitas que doem.

2009-05-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

“ Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am what you always wear, but you forget to wash
Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night ”

Brand New - Guernica

2009-05-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

headaches
stopped eating
can’t sleep
don’t know why
don’t want to
missing something

2009-05-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

High School Never Ends
Bowling For Soup

Four years you think for sure
Thats all youve got to endure
All the total dicks
All the stuck up chicks
So superficial, so immature
Then when you graduate
You take a look around and say HEY WAIT!
This is the same place where I just came from
I thought it was over
Aw that's just great

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess
And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends

Check out the popular kids,
You'll never guess what Jessica did
How did Mary Kate lose all that weight?
And Katie had a baby so I guess Tom's straight
And the only thing that matters
Is climbing up that social ladder
Still care about your hair or the car you drive
Doesn't matter if you're sixteen or thirty-five

Reese Witherspoon, she's the prom queen
Bill Gates, captain of the chess team
Jack Black, the clown
Brad Pitt, the quarterback
I've seen it all before
I want my money back.

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's in the clubs, who's on the drugs,
Who's throwing up before they digest
And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
And you're still listening to the same shit you did back then
High school never ends

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess
And you still don't have the right look
And I still have the same three friends
And I'm pretty much the same as I was back then
High school never ends

2009-05-09T22:10:00.001-07:00

http://9.media.tumblr.com/7nDXBH2jpn7nxp3hWxWeb7NDo1_500.jpg

lembrete

2009-05-09T14:04:00.000-07:00

from crazybeautiful

2009-05-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

vezenquando tudo parece tão vazio e tão estranho e tão errado como se todas as coisas estivessem fora do lugar. como se você estivesse fora o lugar. e você se sente mal por se sentir mal porque você tem amigos incríveis que se importam com você e que você nunca sequer sonharia com o que você fez para merece-los, mas deve ter sido algo muito certo e ainda assim tudo que você quer fazer é correr e se esconder em um canto escuro dentro do guarda-roupa e chorar e gritar e sofrer sozinho até que alguém te encontre e cuide de ti e diga que todas aquelas coisas todas elas tem um lugar certo para estar

2009-05-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

parent::child()

2009-05-08T20:51:00.001-07:00

i hate this blog

just give me a second

2009-04-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Não sei, não sei, não sei.
Repetia e repetia e, cada vez que pensava, sentia a angústia aumentar, mas, de fato, não sabia.

are you happy with yourself?

2009-04-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Escovava os dentes amarelados de tantos cigarros e cafés e pensava que tinha olhos de fracassado. Talvez fosse, mas não tinha certeza.
Ainda era cedo, costumavam dizer, ainda era cedo e há uma vida inteira pela frente. Nada é definitivo, então escove os malditos dentes e vista-se para ir procurar um bom emprego. Cuspiu a água cheia de espuma na pia e pensou em fazer a barba, mas não agora, não às três da tarde de uma segunda-feira quente, não aquela altura de uma vida perdida. Jogou água gelada no rosto e se encarou outra vez no espelho, vendo seu rosto pálido e molhado sem nenhuma expressão. Puxou a toalha fina e secou-se, jogando-a sobre o armarinho do banheiro, sem qualquer preocupação, batendo a porta e correndo os olhos pelo apartamento de dois cômodos que era tão caro para algo tão pequeno, mas estamos na capital, meu bem. O custo de vida não é para você, você devia ter ficado lá, na casa da sua mãezinha enquanto fingia que era um escritor de uma cidade interiorana qualquer.
Ele suspirou.
Precisava de café, mas sabia que todo o pó havia acabado numa dessas noites insones em que ficava observando a vida da metrópole da janela de seu pequeno apartamentinho de aluguéis atrasados. Precisava de café e, talvez, de uma vida, mas não tinha certeza se encontraria algo decente nas parateleiras mal cuidadas do mercadinho da esquina. Pegou o jeans velho da guarda da cadeira, tateando os bolso atrás de dinheiro. Não encontrou nada e jogou-se no sofá-cama não tão macio assim, sentindo as costas doerem logo em seguida. Tateou o maço de cigarros do lado do sofá e o isqueiro.
Acendeu e, por um momento, esperou. Não sabia pelo que, mas sabia que não aconteceria. Tragou com força e quase desespero, expulsando o gosto da pasta de dentes barata enquanto soprava devagar a fumaça do último cigarro.

ecos.

2009-04-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

Vezenquando você levanta de manhã como se deixasse um pedaço de si mesmo na cama. Um pedaço pequeno, escondido entre os lençóis. Um pedaço que acabará, invevitavelmente, escorregando para baixo da cama e sendo esquecido para sempre. Ou pelo menos até você perceber o que está faltando e aprender onde é que aquele pedaço cheio de pó encaixa.
Vezenquando você nem levanta de manhã porque você sabe que terá perdido pedaços demais até chegar ao banheiro antes mesmo de poder dizer a si mesmo que deve ir em frente enquanto evita seus olhos no espelho.

Atrasos.

2009-04-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

Todo o cansaço de si mesma espalhava-se por seu corpo devagar, sendo aos poucos regado pelo sangue filtrado.

Sístole.

A vida pára.

Diástole.

Ei, você perdeu a chance. Sinto muito, entre na fila novamente.

O tédio antigo de muitos domingos desocupados cobria tudo, inclusive ela, como uma fina e irremovível camada de poeira. Mas poeira nunca pareceu pesar tanto como aquela exaustão da própria vida pesava sobre sua cabeça, forçando-a para o chão ou abaixo dele, não sabia. Apenas esticava as pernas sobre as almofadas macias e espreguiçava-se, mexendo-se lenta sob pressão de ser.

Fingia.

Seus dedos procuravam em vão pelos bolsos algum resto de amor próprio sempre perdido nunca encontrado. Suspirava, desejando fumar, mas não havia cigarro. Lembrava-se de ter fumado o último enquanto esperava o ônibus, amassada entre ocupações e atrasos, entre pessoas e pessoas.

Monstros.

Não aceitava que sua própria espécie pudesse causar-lhe tanto nojo e desprezo.

Não queria.

Sentia-se monstruosa nas manhãs eternas das segundas-feiras. Cansada de ser apenas ou cansada de fingir que nunca fingia.

Fumava.

Um ou dois, talvez, nove ou dez cigarros rápidos e estressados enquanto se re-adaptava ao caos diário. Tremia, tremia muito enquanto tinha uma vida. Conversava, mentia, aceitava. Nada seria ou teria sido como algum dia ela esperou.
Sístole.

Você cansa.

Diástole.

Você é jogado de volta.